Deliver Me to Safety
by McSmilesAlot
Summary: She thought it ended that night she vowed to sheild herself from everyone but it didn't. It had come back just when she thought she had forgot about it. Little did she know that she would be saved by her monster's family. NEW CHAPTER!
1. Prologue

**A/N: I know I shouldn't be putting up another one with some many unfinished stories already up but…I just can't help myself! This one is sort AU, my first AU Grey's so…my fingers are crosses! ;) **

**So here we go…**

**Deliver Me to Safety**

**Prologue:**

_The young waifish girl laid flat against the cold linoleum floor on her stomach, her mascara streaked down her cheeks. The man above her pressed against her thin frame roughly, his waist pumping hard against hers. His hands gripped her shoulders, pushing them into the floor of the school hallway. _

_She had long ago stopped fighting. It didn't do anything but make it worst. The more she fought the more he hit her; the harder he pushed into her. Her strength left her body little by little and halfway through she couldn't even lift her head. She stared emptily at the doors of the gymnasium where the homecoming dance was still in full swing._

_The music had been loud and even though she had lost her voice screaming, no one had heard her. Her green eyes, dull and lifeless, watched the doors hoping they would open and that someone would come save her but the hope was diminishing. She wished could blink and have this all been a nightmare but she knew that wouldn't happen._

_She felt him lean down against her shoulder, his hot breathe blowing in her ear, "Don't forget to bring your homework to class, sweetie. Oh…and tell any and I will kill you, you little bitch." A small whimper slipped passed her lips as he pushed her against the floor one last time. She heard the slip of his zipper as he stood up and closed her eyes, wishing him gone when she re-opened them._

_It felt like hours had passed before she opened her eyes again. She tried to stand but her arms buckled beneath her as she pushed herself up. She felt a warm sensation cascading down her legs and knew that she was bleeding. Her eyes, still trained on the gym doors slipped closed just as someone finally came out._

"_Oh my God!" she heard someone gasp, followed by a bunch of other voices. She opened her eyes again and this time, instead of seeing closed doors she saw shocked, worried faces. A teacher rushed to her side and bent down to rub her back. She flinched away from the female teacher clenching her eyes shut._

"_Honey, can you tell me what happened? Did someone do this to you?" the teacher asked, worry filling her voice. The young girl could not respond. It felt like she was physically unable to. So instead, she shook her head 'no'. Because in the back of her mind she heard 'him' promising her to kill her if she told._

_By the time she was able to sit herself up however, two paramedics rushed over bringing with them a gurney. "She's not talking. I don't know where she's hurt but she said no one did this to her." she heard the teacher tell them. The two paramedics, one male and one female she noted, got down on their knees to assess her but when they tried to touch her, she flinched away._

"_Look, I know you're scared but we need to get you to a hospital. Do you understand, hun?" the female paramedic explained, her own brown eyes looking into the young girl's scared green wandering ones. She held the young girl's slipping gaze long enough for the other paramedic to give her a sedative._

_The young girl's eyes fluttered as she tried to keep them open, her last vision before she finally gave in was the female paramedic following the trail of blood from her ankles to the damp, coated dark spot on the back of her blue satin dress. As she drifted into unconsciousness, only one thing became clear._

_She lost her virginity at ten years old in the hall of her high school during her first homecoming dance. High school for her would never be a memory she would want to keep. Not only would people be talking about her because she was the youngest ninth grade brainiac but they would be calling her the girl who bled out in the hallway during homecoming. In her deep subconscious mind, she vowed to keep to herself, to protect herself because no one else would._

**A/N: So there it is, the prologue…tell me what you think and let me know!**

_*****for my lack of simplicity and if tomorrow never comes readers: So sorry for the lack of updates especially since I said I would try to update frequently! To make it easier for my schedule and to keep everyone updated I've set up a schedule.**_

_Wednesdays: Deliver Me to Safety (at least two consecutive updates)_

_Saturdays: Lacking Simplicity (one long update)_

_Tuesdays: If Tomorrow Never Comes_

_******During week of March 14**__**th**__** - March 25**__**th**__** updates may or may not be posted as scheduled because I will be home for spring break and I don't have internet service there. If I am able to though, I will try to update at the city library.**_

_xoxo ~Nik~ xoxo _


	2. Chapter 1: Matter of Time

_**A/N: Here is chapter one…providing you all liked the prologue however confusing it may have been. Everything will be cleared up….maybe not in this chapter but in the next one…or the one after. This chapter is the present…which is three years later after the time frame of the prologue.**_

_***Also, I was formerly Jaeluv21***_

_****Heavy chapter…just a fair warning****_

_**So here it is…**_

_**Deliver Me to Safety**_

_**Chapter 1: Matter of Time**_

Thirteen year old Meredith Grey smoothed her navy blue pleated checkered skirt for the tenth time during her AP Anatomy class. Her eyes, though, were trained on the clock above the blackboard. Only five more minutes until she was free. Her last day of high school…ever. That's all she could think about during her teacher's last lecture.

People always asked her how she was a thirteen year old senior but she often ignored them. She was smart, she had always been smart. Her mother had kept reminding all of the other doctors at her hospital that _her_ daughter had been walking at barely eight months old and that at one her first word was scalpel. It was clear that by the time Meredith was nine, she was already intellectually ahead of the other kids her age.

_Ding_. Meredith hurriedly slipped her notebook in her book bag and hightailed it out of there before the afternoon bell could finish ringing. She made her way to the entry doors, her mind set on one thing. Leaving this school forever…or at least until graduation day on Saturday. Her converse clad feet hit the pavement just outside the school when someone called her back in.

"Meredith, wait! You're mother said that she had a late surgery and won't be able to pick you up. She said that Dr. Shepherd, Derek's father, will pick you up and take you home." her soon to be former principal informed her from the doorway. Meredith nodded shortly and continued down the stairs to wait along the sidewalk.

Her face seemed to be relaxed but her mind rapidly flipped through the faces of the male population of her school. She found it hard even with her photogenic memory to put a face to the name her principal had given her. She knew of Dr. Shepherd, she had spent many evenings at the hospital while her mother worked and therefore new every doctor and nurses' name. Derek, however, she did not know.

It was not a surprise that she didn't know, though. She kept to herself and rarely ever talked to anyone unless prompted. She was surprised she even had faces to sort through when searching for the identity of Derek. She was nearly finished sorting when she felt a light tap to her shoulder. Involuntarily, she jumped nearly five feet in the air and by reflex, she swung at the person who tapped her.

"Whoa! Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm Derek, my dad says you're riding with us?" a tall, skinny boy with an afro exclaimed, his deep voice not at all matching his lanky frame. Meredith gave him a squinted glare, goose bumps skimming her arms. She absolutely hated people touching her, even her mother rarely ever touched her any more.

"Please. Don't touch me, you know my name use it." she replied icily before walking away in the direction of Derek's father's black mustang. Derek followed her, mumbling 'bitch' under his breath. Meredith tossed a knowing glance over her shoulder before turning to Dr. Shepherd who sat perched on the hood of his car and said, "Thank you, Dr. Shepherd for taking me home."

Michael smiled warmly at Meredith, a deep look in his eyes as he remembered seeing her roaming the hospital by herself while Ellis worked. "It's no trouble, Meredith. I hope you don't mind but I told your mom she could pick you up from my house. She was worried about you being home alone and she didn't want you coming to the hospital because she would be too busy to come see you." he informed her, leading her to the passenger side of the car.

Meredith nodded her head understandingly, though she much preferred to be at her own house or at the very least sitting in the hospital lobby. "Derek, son, why don't you let Meredith sit in the front." Michael suggested though Derek knew it was more of an order than a suggestion. The boy begrudgingly slid into the cramped back seat, allowing Meredith the front seat.

Once everyone was situated, Michael pulled off into the main road. "So are you kids excited about graduating high school?" he asked, hoping to bring the two teenagers out of their own separate worlds. Meredith's face mirrored that of shock as she twisted beneath the seatbelt to look at Derek. "You're a senior? Are you in any of my classes? Do you _take_ AP classes?" she asked, one question quickly followed by another.

Derek rolled his eyes, "I should be asking _you_ if how you're a senior. And no, I don't take AP classes. I take honors classes, sorry if they aren't as _advanced_ as yours." he snapped, though quickly regretting it upon seeing his father's disapproving glare through the rearview window. Meredith turned back in her seat, already deciding that she did not like Derek Shepherd.

_The Shepherd Household…_

Meredith sat awkwardly on the couch of the Shepherd household, her eyes scanning the pictures lined neatly along the mantle of the fireplace beside the big screen television. Derek had long ago left her downstairs to do whatever he was doing with some guy who had come knocking on the Shepherd's door not even ten minutes after she had arrived home with Derek and his father.

Dr. Shepherd had to return to the hospital, leaving her with Derek's mother who had insisted she call her Carol. The older pleasant woman had disappeared into the kitchen, promising to return later with a light snack. That was twenty minutes ago. So there she was, sitting alone in a strange house with a stranger woman and a mean boy who looked like he had been born in the disco era who had a best friend who looked like a living ken doll. _Great_, she thought dryly.

She was about to stand and leave when four woman came slipping through the front door. "Addie, your boyfriend is upstairs! Ooh he's probably playing video games with my dork of a brother." a tall, sleek raven haired woman laughed after hanging her coat on the coat rack. A redhead followed suit, rolling her eyes at the raven haired woman. The other two younger looking raven haired woman hung their coats up and slipped pass the two talking women and into the living room wear Meredith sat frozen in her seat.

"Oh Kathleen, is Derek babysitting? If so he's doing a crappy job." the shorter raven haired girl asked the other. The taller woman, presumably Kathleen, shrugged as she was as much out of the loop as her sister. Meredith stood from the couch and answered, "I'm thirteen years old and I'm going away to college at Harvard in the fall. I think it's safe to say that I don't need a babysitter."

Kathleen and her sister looked at the young girl blankly at first before busting out in a fit of laughter. The other two women walked into the room, wondering why Kathleen and the shorter woman were laughing. "What's so funny? Nancy, what's so funny?" the redhead, previously called 'Addie', questioned her taller friend. Nancy looked at Addie as if to say 'hell if I know'.

Meredith scowled at the four women. This was why she stopped telling people what grade she was in and how old she was. "Whatever, I don't have time for this. When you feel like growing up, let me know. Oh and, Kathleen, right? I'll be sure to tell Dr. Grey that you thought her daughter was incompetent of being an idiot savant." she told them angrily before leaving the house knowing that it wouldn't be long before they came to get her.

The women watched her leave, her backpack swinging behind her as she swung the door shut. "Beth," Kathleen called to the unknown raven haired woman, "Did she just imply that the head of General Surgery at my hospital, Ellis Grey, is her mother?" The shorter woman nodded her head in response, too shocked to form coherent words. It then occurred to Kathleen who the mystery girl was. Meredith Grey. Better known to Mount Sinai Hospital as the prodigal daughter of Ellis Grey who was sure to be the next big thing in surgery.

Kathleen couldn't believe that she had laughed in the face of her boss' daughter. "What was she doing here? I have to get her before Ellis Grey finds out her kid is roaming New York alone!" she exclaimed before running to the front door and yanking it open only to find Meredith sitting on the sidewalk, her book bag lying against her thigh. Carefully and slowly, Kathleen walked down the porch steps and crossed the healthy grass of her childhood home's lawn to stand beside the sitting teen.

"I'm sorry we laughed at you. It's just, well you're so young to be graduating from high school already. Ellis Grey is like the only woman I know who would let her thirteen year old go off to college…I didn't know that you were her daughter. I know you think I'm just doing this to save my job…which is true but, I also don't want to wandering New York City alone. Even if you're smart, you're still just a kid." Kathleen admitted to Meredith, who despite her young age probably had the IQ equivalent to Einstein.

The blonde-brunette thirteen year old stood to her feet and wordlessly made her way back to the Shepherd house. Kathleen followed her, feeling slightly relieved but unable to get over the feeling that perhaps Meredith had grown up too fast.

"Derek tells me you're not from New York, Meredith." Carol noted, trying to start a conversation with the young girl who looked like she would rather be reading the dictionary…again. It had been two hours since the little incident with Derek's older sisters and their friend, Addison and Meredith had said nothing to indicate that she was still present.

By now, everyone minus Michael who was still at the hospital had been seated in the living room, the TV on low displaying a Tylenol commercial. Meredith looked away from the television and stared at Derek questioningly. _Why had he been talking about me and how did he know I'm not from New York? _she wondered, though quickly assured herself that her mother had told his father who in turn told him.

She shifted her gaze to Carol and said, "I was born in Seattle but after my father left, my mother and I moved to B-Boston. We moved here two and a half years ago, so that I could switch to a private school." Everyone seemed to be engrossed in her answer so they all noticed the quick nervous expression that took over her face and the stutter when she mentioned Boston. They tried as best they could to hide their curiousness but failed miserably.

Meredith sunk into the couch and thus sinking back into her comfort shell. She hated talking about Boston, every time she even thought about it her body shook with fear and contempt. She never wanted to go back to Boston and she swore to herself that she wouldn't. Her gaze shifted from one end of the living room to the next, hoping that no one could see her struggling to breathe.

When she failed to catch her breath, she reached into her book bag and pulled out her inhaler. Shakily, she brought it to her lips and pumped it twice. It was then that Carol stood hurriedly from her seat in the recliner to her side. "Meredith, honey, are you alright?" she asked, placing a comforting arm around the teen not realizing that her close proximity would make it worse.

To Meredith, it felt like the lights were dimming and once again she was in the hall of her old school during homecoming. Her chest heaved for oxygen and when her inhaler finally emptied out, she clutched her chest. She tried to tell Carol to move, to stop touching her and she would be fine but her esophagus was closing in on itself.

"Derek, go start my car we need to get her to the hospital. Mark, pick her up!" Carol instructed Derek and his best friend Mark as she rubbed Meredith's back unknowingly sending Meredith further into her darkened mind. Derek rushed out of the house, his mom's keys in hand while Mark quickly scooped Meredith into his arms.

Carol ushered the girls out of the house behind Mark, barely remembering to lock her door. '_God please save this child. Please let her be okay.'_ she silently prayed as she got into the front seat of her car next to Derek who was behind the wheel. Meredith lay in the backseat drifting in and out of consciousness while Mark held her in his arms, afraid that if he left her go she would get even worse. Kathleen, Nancy, Addison, and Beth followed worriedly in Nancy's car, each hoping that the young teen would be okay.

_At the hospital…_

Ellis Grey had been finishing the last suture when she was called out of the OR by the Chief. She barely made it to his office before hearing that her daughter had been brought in because of a severe asthma attack. She walked briskly past the chief of surgery knowing that the room he had been guarding was her daughter's. Her eyes scanned her daughter's small frame beneath the blankets of the hospital bed.

A breathing tube was taped beneath Meredith's nose to help her breath, an IV was attached to her arm, and a device that connected to a monitor to track her vitals was attached to her left forefinger. Ellis tried to block out her last memory of Meredith's hospital stay but found it impossible. It was hard to forget a daughter going through reconstructive uterus surgery and an aneurysm removal surgery because some perverted bastard couldn't keep his dick in his pants.

Carol stood from her seat beside Meredith and smiled slightly at Ellis. "Hello, Dr. Grey. I'm sorry that we have to meet under such circumstances. I'm Michael Shepherd's wife, Meredith was under my watch when she had the attack." she explained, offering Ellis her seat beside Meredith's bed. Ellis ignored the gesture and stared coldly into Carol's eyes. "My daughter has not had to use her inhaler since she was twelve, so it leads me to think that her attack was brought on. What did you say to my daughter, Mrs. Shepherd?" Ellis demanded, her hands planted firmly on her hips.

Carol looked away from her intense stare and thought back to what she had said to Meredith before the attack. "I had told her that my son Derek told me she wasn't from New York. I suppose I implied that I wanted to know where she was from if not from here in New York. She seemed to have struggled when she mentioned Boston." she recalled allowed, wondering how that could have possibly cause Meredith's asthma.

Ellis closed her eyes and then re-opened them. "It's none of your business where she and I are from. All I ask was that she be picked up from school and dropped off at home. I had allowed Dr. Shepherd to take my daughter to his home so that she wouldn't be alone not to be interrogated!" she argued, loud enough to startle even the chief who had heard her yell at interns time and time again.

Carol stepped back in shock at Ellis' tone with her, for once seeing the same will powered cold surgeon Kathleen had seen. "I know that you are worried about Meredith, Dr. Grey, but she is fine now. You have no right to be yelling at me like this." she replied, standing up for herself. She had never been one to be stepped over in the past and she wouldn't be stepped over now.

Ellis saw green fire, that was the only way to explain the look in her eyes as she stared into Carol's blue eyes. She grabbed Carol's arm and led her out of the room and into an empty exam room down the hall. She motioned for Carol to sit down because she knew that when she was done, the woman wouldn't be able to stand.

"My daughter can't even think about Boston without having a panic attack which then causes her asthma to flare up. She was in public school there because the education level was higher than the private school in Boston. It was a homecoming dance, she had went with some of her friends. She left to go the bathroom but before she could get back to the gym some bastard cornered her.

He pinned her against the wall and tore her dress, the blue dress that she had begged me for, for weeks. She tried to fight him, she almost got away until he pulled her back by her hair. He pushed her to the ground and raped her right in the middle of the hallway. Not even ten feet away from the doors of the gym. No one heard my baby scream, no one because the music was too damn loud.

I watched from the gallery while one surgeon cut her head open and another repaired her uterus. She may never get pregnant and if she does, she's more likely to miscarriage than carry a full-term baby. The ass who did this to her is somewhere out on _fucking good behavior_ while my baby suffers from asthma, nightmares, cold sweats, and closes herself off from the world. I can't even hug my _own baby_. So, please, forgive me if I'm cold. _Forgive _me if I don't treat _you_ with respect.

I'm cold and calculating because I wanted my baby to be smart. Because I wanted my baby to have the best education. Because I put her in public school with the teacher who took her innocence. Because _I _did this to my baby, _I_ made her who she is. And for what? So she could be smarter than everyone else? My child, my little girl is looking over her shoulder every damn day and sleeping with her light on and her phone beside her with 911 on speed dial because she's afraid that, that bastard is going to come in _my_ home and kill her. My daughter, is not _fine_ as you so blatantly put it." Ellis Grey had never put herself on the line like that. She had not been so open in her life, even when she processed Meredith's injuries with the police she did it quickly and smooth as if it were someone else's child.

It wasn't until she was alone did she grieve for what her daughter had lost, grieved for the _daughter_ she lost. Ellis knew better than anyone that Meredith had changed after her attack. Meredith had cut off all contact with her former friends and even Ellis had a hard time reaching her. After two months of staying in Boston, Ellis realized that Meredith wouldn't get better until they were out of Massachusetts.

They had moved to New York, leaving everything behind them and only returning so that Meredith could testify against Kevin McTavern in court. After that, neither ever mentioned Boston again. As the months passed after the trial, Meredith began to open up to her mother. Meredith, like every other night it seemed, woke up screaming and wouldn't stop until Ellis came into her room.

Upon entering, Ellis would be near tears at seeing her eleven year old daughter drenched in sweat, eyes darting around the room in pure fear. She would climb into bed with her and rock her back to sleep, her herself falling asleep beside her. Only on one of those nights, Meredith finally told her what she had fought herself to tell the jury.

Ellis had clenched her eyes shut tight the entire time and when Meredith finished, they both cried themselves to sleep.

Sometimes, Ellis would see a glimmer of who her daughter used to be. She would catch Meredith giggling during jeopardy when someone gave an obscenely wrong question or glancing at herself in the mirror. But those glimmers were far and few between and when they did come about they were fleeting. She, however, had long ago lost hope that she would see the Meredith she had raised ever again.

Ellis, upon seeing the shocked expression on Carol's face left the room to go lie with her daughter. Because she knew that once Meredith woke up she would not get to kiss or hug her again. She heard Carol's feet behind her but when she didn't hear her call her, she knew that Carol had been at a lost of words.

Ellis Grey was cold and calculating, everyone knew that. And only Carol Shepherd knew why. The great pioneering surgeon who excelled through life and made no mistakes in medicine held herself responsible for her daughter's rape. The Grey Household was built on eggshells and made from playing cards. It was only a matter of time before a heavy wind came blowing through.

**A/N: Whew! This was a tough one to write. I wanted to portray Ellis as a loving mother who hurts when her daughter hurts. This chapter sort of explains Ellis' behavior to everyone…well in my story anyway. The fact that Carol knows why Ellis is the way she is and that she is the only person who knows about what happened to Meredith will play in later when a certain long lost sister of hers shows up….**

**Anyway, I hope that you all like it and please, please review!!!!!! **

_xoxo ~Nik~ xoxo _


	3. Chapter 3: All We Are

**A/N: Thank you everyone for the very lovely, very flattering reviews! I am very excited by the comments, especially only one chapter in. I know it was hard reading the prologue, it was hard writing it. It will take sometime for things to brighten up but I promise that they will. **

**A/N 2: The author's note above is from a year ago when I had originally planned to post this chapter (which has been hibernating on my laptop for about as long). The sentiments above, however, have not change. Thank you all so much for sticking with me even after a lack of posts! Below are the answers and/or response to some of the reviews. Hope I have answered everything and if not hit that pretty little button at the end of the chapter to inquire! **

**Specific Responses:**

_**BrewedCaster and Steph**_**: **_**This is a MerDer coupling however, there won't be any romance going on between them for awhile. Mer still has a lot to go through before she can even think about relationships like that. However, he will play a major role in helping her grow and overcome what happened to her. **_

_**BrewedCaster: Lol, I did mean to put photographic, even when I re-read it my mind thought 'photographic' but for some reason I didn't connect that it said photogenic :p.**_

_**iLuvMcDreamy: Derek is, of course, her knight in shining armor. At first he doesn't like her because Mer has a sarcastic and slightly bitch-y attitude (which she developed to help her 'protect' herself). **_

_**MacSmitty: I realize that Mer is young, far too young to be in high school and if it was unclear to you that she is extremely smart and skipped grades then I am sorry. I just didn't want to start the story emphasizing on that. I plan to write more about that later in the story because her young age and the fact that she was in high school at such a young age is also a major part of the plot. It's something that she will need to talk about because she connects going to high school so early with her rape.**_

**Without further waiting, here is chapter 2...**

**Chapter Two: **_All We Are_

Meredith sat neatly on the folded chair beside her class' salutatorian who she had only spoken to once in her life at the private school. She had long ago tuned out on her principal's speech, instead she was looking out at her fellow classmates. They all looked bored and just ready to graduate. She found herself almost wondering what it would have been like to sit with them and look bored, to whisper amongst friends about high school memories.

The movement of the salutatorian brought Meredith out of her reverie. She watched him stand and shuffle across the stage to the pine wood podium. Her eyes scanned the graduating crowd and watched them clap halfheartedly. She imagined no one would clap for her at all. She repeated his name, Tyler Andrews, in her head over and over again trying to remember where and how she had spoken to him that one time.

She wasn't surprised that she couldn't remember, however, if someone pointed him out to her she could tell them exactly what he wore everyday or where he sat in her AP Government class. To someone who didn't know her or see her everyday at school they would think she were a stalker. Truth was, she couldn't help but let her mind imprint every little thing she saw. If she could control what she remembered then her nights would be easier, her _life_ would be easier.

Tyler returned to his seat after finishing his speech, giving Meredith a small smile as he sat down. "Your turn, good luck!" he whispered trying to be nice. Meredith looked at him blankly. She really wanted to smile, wanted to show that she was human and not a living textbook but it'd been so long since she had something to smile about that she forgot how to.

She stood gracefully as the principal called her name and walked across the stage, taking in all of the expressions of her fellow graduates. They all looked like they wanted to go to sleep rather than listen to her. No one even clapped. She had been used to everyone ignoring her when she started high school at only ten years old but for some reason, today it bothered her.

She had been working on her speech for months trying to figure out what she would say to her peers whom she'd never really spoken to before. She could see the words she had wanted to say floating in her mind but all of a sudden, she didn't want to say them anymore. She looked out at the crowd and when her mouth opened to speak, it wasn't the words she had planned that left her mouth.

"_I'm young, I know. People have laughed in my face about my advanced mind since I was six. I walk the halls with sixteen year olds talking about sex and alcohol. I hear them talking about how lame the eighth grade formal was and have absolutely no clue as to what they were talking about. I can remember a person's face like I remember my phone number but I don't always know their name._

_It's sad that I've never been anywhere outside of my house and the school. I've only been to one dance and it was beyond horrible, never been to a movie, never kissed a boy. People don't usually admit any of that stuff but I figure, what the hell. You are all looking at me like you would rather go sleep with a rattle snake than hear me go on and on so you probably won't remember anyway. This whole not-according-to-the-plan-speech is so out of character for me but I'm just going to go with it. _

_You all think I'm some living textbook who never socializes but the truth is, I'm screaming inside. I know every answer to every question except this one: Who am I? I don't know what I like, what I love, what I hate. I'm scared, I'm scared of everything. Here I am standing here suppose to be telling you it's okay and that we made it and that the worst part is over. But you know what? It's not over, in fact it's just beginning. You look back on the past year and it seems like it's been too hard and so overwhelming but it's been a cake walk. _

_You may not see it but I do. Ten years down the road when you're well into your job of choice you'll see that these were the easy years, that the whole time you were wishing for it to hurry up and be over with you should have been praying for it to last forever. Ten years from now you'll know that you wasted your high school years hating me for being smarter and thinking I had an easy life when really, I've had it just as hard as you if not worst._

_You're probably asking how my life could possibly be worst than yours but if I sat here and told you then we would be here forever. I guess I should tie my revelation to the future, to our lives after high school. When you go out into the real world, you'll have all of the good and bad experiences of high school tucked under your belt, you'll have made mistakes and learned from them, you'll have had friends who will be there twenty years from now and some who won't. _

_I'll have had the super high GPA and every college acceptance letter to brag about but come the twenty year reunion that's all I'll be able to say about high school. You have made it through high school with so many good memories, so many experiences, cherish it because when the rough times hit, those memories and experiences are what will keep you going, keep you striving, keep you alive. _

_The future is what we have to look forward to but no matter how fast or far we try to run from our past the memories, good or bad, will be with us. Live your life fearless even when the scariest things are happening because if you live in fear forever then what are you living for? Congratulations for making it this far, now keep on going."_

Even as she walked back to her seat, she could see the surprised looks on her fellow graduates' faces, hear their thunderous clapping. That speech had been the one and only time she had opened up even a little to let people in. She had seen the salutatorian staring at her with his mouth open and the principal hiding a wide smile.

"Great speech!" Tyler exclaimed in a rushed whisper, reaching over to rub her arm. Meredith's cheeks turned hot oven red as she jerked her arm away from him. She tried quickly to recover but Tyler had already recoiled, looking like someone killed his dog. "Oh. Sorry." he mumbled, slumping in his seat. Meredith wanted to tell him sorry, apologize for coming off as intolerant of other people but it was hard. It was hard for her to be sorry about something so little when she'd been sorry she ever skipped junior high since….since _it_ happened.

The ceremony seemed to go by quickly, more so than when it had started. Meredith having been called first because she was valedictorian, sat in her seat gracefully waiting. On the inside, though, she couldn't wait for it to be over. They were going through the names of the graduates in the last row when Meredith spotted Derek. He was making his way down the aisle with the rest of his row, Mark Sloan right behind him.

Her eyes followed him as he marched onto the stage and shook hands with the principal as he accepted his diploma. His eyes connected with hers and all of a sudden, she felt a warming sense of safety. Her mind thought back to the night in the hospital after the asthma attack and her eyes softened considerably. He was the one who sat beside her all night and talked to her about nonsense to help keep her calm even when she rolled her eyes at him and called him a loser.

He had told her that the only reason he was there was because his dad made him stay but even after Michael said that he could go, Derek stayed. She would even swear she felt him holding her hand while she slept. And when the nightmares hit and the nurses had rushed in ready to give her a sedative, he woke her up and promised that he would keep her safe. Meredith had looked at him with no expression but let her body shift into sleep while he held her hand.

The next day, when she was being discharged and his mom had been looking at her with sad eyes of sorrow, Derek made Carol go get the car while he helped Meredith into the wheelchair. He had done all that even when she had ignored him or gave him squinted, critiquing eyes. Meredith found herself in her bed that following night wondering why all guys couldn't be like him.

He continued his march across the stage, Mark following right behind him. Meredith sighed and returned her gaze to the crowd of nameless faces that she had seen everyday for the past three years. Her mind tried to block out what seeing their faces reminded her of but failed miserably. She knew that all it would take was a glance somewhere else, a new face to look at to get rid of the memories. But she stared on, letting the memories take over.

The faces she pondered in her mind now were the faces that laughed at her every time she jumped when someone bumped into her in the hallways. Those same faces mocked her every time she answered a correct question in class. Those same faces felt sorry for her when she sat alone at lunch even if it had been her choice to do so. However, it was only one face that looked at her like she was just another person in the big crowd.

The school nurse sat in her seat happily smiling up at Meredith. The young thirteen year old tried to muster a smile back but the only thing that appeared to change on her face was that her lips pressed even thinner. The nurse, however, could see the very faint curve of the left side of Meredith's mouth. To anyone else, it looked like the graduate was pursing her lips but the nurse knew the difference for she had seen Meredith in the school clinic more than she had seen the kid with the weak immune system.

Every time someone bumped into Meredith too hard the girl had to rush to the clinic to take in two puffs of her inhaler. If it wasn't her inhaler that she came for it was her anxiety medicine and if not that it was her depression medicine. Those were her 'sometimes' medications because it was not often that she needed to take them. It was her 'seizure prevention' pills that she had to take every other day.

The nurse had been told the very first day Meredith came to the school that the child had been through a brain surgery and that there was a complication that left her with seizures that popped out of no where. They came about randomly and though they weren't categorized as grand mal, they were rough and hard to handle. The seizures often left Meredith weak and out of school for at least two days. The nurse had seen her seize only once in the clinic but it was enough to have her on the look out for the child.

She had taken longer lunch breaks, sitting in the cafeteria not too far from Meredith. She patrolled the halls during class changes, always being in seeing distance of her. She had been watching her from the clinic's window when Meredith caught her. The young valedictorian wouldn't have thought twice about it if the nurse hadn't looked away so fast the blinds shook.

Meredith marched right up too her and asked her point blank why she was staring at her. The nurse had not expected that and she certainly did not expect to see her wrath that so frighteningly matched that of Ellis Grey's. It was then that she saw why everyone had given up on trying to be at least civil with her. Meredith didn't want friends, she didn't want people worrying over her, watching her. The nurse had tried to explain that she was only watching out for her safety but Meredith had shot her down before she could finish explaining.

The nurse may have not been as smart as Meredith, she knew but she was certainly older than her. She sat Meredith down and gave her a dose of her own medicine. Meredith at first had look appalled and couldn't believe that someone had spoken to her like that. A look flickered over her face and at first it hadn't occurred to the nurse that Meredith had felt like a normal person in that one moment until Meredith had thanked her for worrying about her but asked her to do it without watching her.

The nurse had stood in her spot dumbfounded even after Meredith had left. It was that day that the nurse had grown a certain respect for Meredith. She had realized that all Meredith wanted was a sense of normalcy in a world where she had more problems than the average adult. So the nurse had decided that she would be the one to do that for Meredith, or at least try her best.

Meredith returned her gaze to the faces of her fellow graduates and sighed gratefully upon seeing them stand in an organized matter the way they had practiced at the rehearsal last night. She and Tyler stood together as they had practiced and made their way to the stairs. Meredith floated almost too gracefully down the stairs, Tyler clobbering right behind her.

Meredith continued down the aisle on the left side of the room wile Tyler led the right side. The graduates followed suit, half behind Meredith and half behind Tyler. The audience clapped loudly, parents whistling and shouting their child's name. Meredith slipped through the open doors and breathed in, her eyes shut wistfully. She could hear the others coming up behind her but she didn't care. The sun warmed her face and the light breeze felt nice against the back of her neck, blowing her long honey blond hair around her like wisp of silk.

The line of people stopped behind her causing a small back up in the auditorium. They wanted to alert her, ask her why she stopped but instead they let her be. They had always seen her with a hard look in her eyes and no expression on her face so seeing her so free now was extremely new to them. To some, the expression on her face was to them a bright outlook or a good omen for their future.

"Meredith." a woman's voice called from a few feet away from the graduating class. The young girl opened her eyes and followed the sound her of name to find her mother watching her with a look of love and a hint of something else in her eyes. Something about her mom standing there waiting for her filled Meredith up with love and sorrow for her mother. Without second thought, she ran to her mother throwing herself into Ellis' arms.

"Mommy, I missed you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" she cried into her mother's chest, squeezing her tightly afraid she'll lose her. Ellis hugged her daughter tight, rubbing her back as her own tears trickled down her cheeks. They stood there holding each other as if they were the only ones around for miles. Other graduates met with there parents and mingled with their friends unaware of the rare moment between the mother and daughter.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Meredith Grey. Honey you just stopped living. And that scared me, like maybe I was doing something wrong. I should have never pushed you so hard, I thought that if you were smarter than everyone else, smarter than me then you would be safe but I was so wrong and for that I am sorry. But I swear on my life nothing bad will ever happen to you again. I will make sure of it." Ellis cried into the crown of her daughter's hair, the smell of Meredith's favorite lavender conditioner wafting into her nose.

Meredith stepped away from the hug and gazed up at her mother as if she had just told her that the earth really was flat. "Mommy, I never blamed you. Ever! I never felt like you were pushing me. I'm just, I'm too smart. I know so much, too much and I don't know what to do with it if I'm not challenged enough. I push myself, everyday. I know that _that man_ is at fault and that nothing could ever change what was done to me, to us as a family. I'm just scared. He's conniving and I know that he'll get out one day and come looking for me. When he does, I'm going to be ready. I'll be older and even smarter. He won't be able to get pass you but if he does, his ass is mine." she explained to her mother, a bit out of character compared to her usually reserve self.

Ellis stared down at her daughter and for the first time in ages, she saw a piece of the child she was before the incident. Just as she knew she would protect Meredith at all costs, she knew that her little girl would do what ever it took to protect herself. There will be a day where she is not there and Meredith will have to fend for herself again, it was comforting that the girl was preparing herself. Her only hope is that she remembers how to love again, how to open herself to the good ones. A single mother of her own will, Ellis knew what it was like to be alone. She did not want that for her daughter.

"You protect yourself baby, but promise me. Promise me you will love and laugh and just, _live_. I want that for you, I need that for you. No matter what, you promise me." Ellis explained, hugging her daughter in a tight hug. Meredith closed her eyes against her mother's chest and inhaled the scent of her mother. With the scent of hospital and cinnamon enveloping her senses, Meredith nodded. "I promise mommy. It scares me, to be open, it makes me feel vulnerable. But, for you, I will try. I love you." she told Ellis, returning the tight embrace.

Ellis looked over her daughter's head and spotted Carol Shepherd staring at them from across the lot with her only son and family. "No matter where you find love, no matter what happens. Be happy, and keep living. Live through it, baby, live through it." she said, something in her voice seeming almost precognitive. She released Meredith from the hug and reached down to hold the small hand in hers. Together, they left the post-graduation scene ready to start their lives again. What happens tomorrow is unknown but change is about for them. The worst is not over but greatness is to follow.

**A/N: **_The first part of Deliver Me to Safety is COMPLETE! There are a lot of bits and pieces missing and skipped over __but__ there is a plan in place here so hang on! The next couple of chapters will skip ahead to college years in 3rd__ pov of Derek and Meredith. I hope that this chapter is a good one to come back to but of course I cannot know that unless you hit that pretty little 'review' button :]. _

_Next story to be updated this week: If Tomorrow Never Comes along with a sneak peak to my new GA story, "The Ungodly Hour"…so you know, don't disappear!_

_S/N: Chapter title is based off of 'All We Are' from One Republic's album, Dreaming Out Loud. It is a beautiful album and highly recommended as well as their latest album, Waking Up. Also, seeing as both albums have kind of helped get back to feeling these stories again, there may be more song referenced chapters. :]._


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